{"id":80357,"date":"2026-04-28T08:00:05","date_gmt":"2026-04-28T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=80357"},"modified":"2026-04-28T08:03:46","modified_gmt":"2026-04-28T11:03:46","slug":"availability","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=80357","title":{"rendered":"Availability"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a>\"image_print\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Jane Nash: Chronicle ‘Availability’

<\/h2>\n\n\n
\n
\"Jane
Jane Nash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n
\n
\"Pat
Pat Hunter (Nanna)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I rise at 4am as I have for the past 16 years but there\u2019s no-one to call at this ungodly hour. I have ungodly needs. I\u2019m tempted by Ouiji boards but in truth, I need to find me a necromancer. I fantasise about ayahuasca ceremonies that will let me speak to spirits of the dead, will let me see the dead not as they are but as they were at their best. Sadly this probably includes the darker souls who attach themselves to my memories. I only want to stand behind her and put my arms around her waist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am awake at 4.15am and I stare at the link we would use to chat about nothing. I regret my words carried so little of me. I am grateful to have been part of her jigsaw. I consider a mug of mugwort to help me escape this anchored state in these dark hours. But I am paralysed each morning when I wake. She is no longer available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Write a letter. Remember the good times. Talk out loud. Look at old photographs.<\/em> None of this helps. None of them. These suggestions can\u2019t soothe the knife in my stomach, splitting me open, spilling internal organs over the floor.  I bleed tears; pints and pints of tears. There is no end to the concrete, the inanimate nor the silence in the house. The birds sleep and the insects of the night have taken their respite before dawn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wait at 4.30am when I would have got an injection of laughter, of gossip, of love. No amount of life in the present fills the gap. I loved her unconditionally I was loved by her unconditionally. Where will I find that again? I don\u2019t bother yearning for a replacement. There can be none.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I lie down at 4.45am. My pillow soaks up the lifeblood of grief. I can\u2019t seem to get rid of the knot in my throat. I wonder whether, after all this time, I am being indulgent after all, it\u2019s been more than the cycle of seasons. Wet, my mouth allows rivers flow over my face to enter the darkness of my insides. Perhaps I don\u2019t want these feelings to go away but I would like to sleep through the night instead of being exhausted on waking from the lack of interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I often dream of her. She looks younger, the grandmother of my childhood. We roam the sand dunes with her dog and my uncle who is four years older than me. I want to reach out to him but I am sure his grief takes a different form than mine. As much as I might want to exchange experiences, I know this is sacred, this silence, this pain through me. It\u2019s mine, not for sharing, as is his.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Jane Nash<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n
\n

JaneNash.com<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n

Instagram<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n

Blog<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Voltar<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Facebook<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I rise at 4am as I have for the past 16 years but there\u2019s no-one to call at this ungodly hour. I have ungodly needs. I\u2019m tempted by Ouiji boards, but in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":144,"featured_media":80358,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9392,9285],"tags":[16762,16760,5569,16761],"class_list":["post-80357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cronicas","category-literatura","tag-bons-tempos","tag-convivencia-amorosa","tag-memorias","tag-parentesco"],"aioseo_notices":[],"views":124,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/6acdbfb8-1517-4f66-8e85-a212b1404c00.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":79811,"url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=79811","url_meta":{"origin":80357,"position":0},"title":"Tapestry of magic","author":"Jane Nash","date":"6 de abril de 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Of the sea and the sky hands weave details beyond the ordinary fibres sourced from many places blankets my background I have become accustomed to it","rel":"","context":"Em "Literatura"","block_context":{"text":"Literatura","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?cat=9285"},"img":{"alt_text":"Imagem gerada pelo ChatGPT - https:\/\/chatgpt.com\/c\/69d3b90c-94f8-83e9-939c-8783018482af","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/3beb3c42-9aa7-4625-ad83-ad39e4cb54e2.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/3beb3c42-9aa7-4625-ad83-ad39e4cb54e2.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/3beb3c42-9aa7-4625-ad83-ad39e4cb54e2.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/3beb3c42-9aa7-4625-ad83-ad39e4cb54e2.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":80173,"url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=80173","url_meta":{"origin":80357,"position":1},"title":"Forks","author":"Jane Nash","date":"20 de abril de 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"The poem FORKS came to me thinking about forks in life, decision making and how we are meant to face these situations in life. Do I choose the first option...","rel":"","context":"Em "Literatura"","block_context":{"text":"Literatura","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?cat=9285"},"img":{"alt_text":"Imagem gerada pelo hatGPT - https:\/\/chatgpt.com\/c\/69e5e639-5c34-83e9-a933-05dc28cc5167","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c68bb1d7-cd43-468f-bea2-fc2007b07c87.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c68bb1d7-cd43-468f-bea2-fc2007b07c87.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c68bb1d7-cd43-468f-bea2-fc2007b07c87.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c68bb1d7-cd43-468f-bea2-fc2007b07c87.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":79439,"url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=79439","url_meta":{"origin":80357,"position":2},"title":"Season of the cane toad","author":"Jane Nash","date":"23 de mar\u00e7o de 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019m sanitising the sideboard where I lay my paper down I\u2019m bleaching the steps at the front and back doors. I\u2019ve got bottles of disinfectant ready for murder...","rel":"","context":"Em "Literatura"","block_context":{"text":"Literatura","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?cat=9285"},"img":{"alt_text":"Imagem gerada pelo ChatGPT - https:\/\/chatgpt.com\/c\/69c06bf5-03e0-83e9-972b-dd535b74cb64","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/33199d35-b366-4503-86b6-1a395f6f992e.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/33199d35-b366-4503-86b6-1a395f6f992e.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/33199d35-b366-4503-86b6-1a395f6f992e.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/33199d35-b366-4503-86b6-1a395f6f992e.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":80034,"url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=80034","url_meta":{"origin":80357,"position":3},"title":"Seven eleven","author":"Jane Nash","date":"13 de abril de 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThat cat!\u201d Shouted the bald assistant behind the counter. He came out from behind it, flapping a rolled up newspaper towards the cat. It was as comical as...","rel":"","context":"Em "Literatura"","block_context":{"text":"Literatura","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?cat=9285"},"img":{"alt_text":"Imagem gerada pelo ChatGPT - https:\/\/chatgpt.com\/c\/69dd22b2-123c-83e9-ad5b-d22da661e70e","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c8d4dc11-6067-4857-9627-1e227e8fefc4.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c8d4dc11-6067-4857-9627-1e227e8fefc4.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c8d4dc11-6067-4857-9627-1e227e8fefc4.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/c8d4dc11-6067-4857-9627-1e227e8fefc4.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":78684,"url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=78684","url_meta":{"origin":80357,"position":4},"title":"Last week\u2019s fun time","author":"Jane Nash","date":"24 de fevereiro de 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"I had a blast last week The wonderful Wendy, extraordinary Eleanor and sweet Rod were my playing mates and we had a ball. I never imagined I\u2019d get to fishing...","rel":"","context":"Em "Cr\u00f4nicas"","block_context":{"text":"Cr\u00f4nicas","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?cat=9392"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/398da369-4b23-42e7-8ab3-1a0ea07fcc8a.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/398da369-4b23-42e7-8ab3-1a0ea07fcc8a.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/398da369-4b23-42e7-8ab3-1a0ea07fcc8a.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/398da369-4b23-42e7-8ab3-1a0ea07fcc8a.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":78823,"url":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?p=78823","url_meta":{"origin":80357,"position":5},"title":"She takes a sip","author":"Jane Nash","date":"2 de mar\u00e7o de 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Just a sip. It is enough to register in her hair if needs be but not enough to kill her. She\u2019s practiced the smile she now uses, urging her husband to finish...","rel":"","context":"Em "Microconto"","block_context":{"text":"Microconto","link":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/?cat=16262"},"img":{"alt_text":"Imagem gerada pelo ChatGPT - https:\/\/chatgpt.com\/c\/69a58bdd-2a74-832a-b808-748f6a468bde","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/6520697a-11ff-4fff-beb6-c2608092c59b.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/6520697a-11ff-4fff-beb6-c2608092c59b.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/6520697a-11ff-4fff-beb6-c2608092c59b.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jornalrol.com.br\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/6520697a-11ff-4fff-beb6-c2608092c59b.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/144"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=80357"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80357\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":80392,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80357\/revisions\/80392"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/80358"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=80357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=80357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jornalrol.com.br\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=80357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}